Well, I will be honest; the very first day I turned on the shower, I cried under it.

You never have a say in your birth. That certainly is your parents’ decision. So is your school, your initial hobby classes, and the room you get to live into. Growing up in a working-class family, the same experiences can have a different impact on our lives. If I talk about my parents, they surely did their best by providing a separate 10×10 room for us (my younger sister and I). I got to choose a corner for myself and that became my space forever. Almost everyone in their growing up years shares a room with their siblings. Gradually one outgrows to leave that space forever. In my case, my sister eventually did, and I am still here; living in that 10×10 corner claiming it to be my own.

I never liked the houses my parents moved us into since childhood. Moreover, sharing a common bathroom with a chain-smoker father choked me every morning and even at night. He never cared, and I never had an option. One of the growing up wishes was to move out to a better apartment at the earliest. Secretly, I wanted to live all alone by myself. Around 4 years to a somewhat stabling career, I was forced to become the man of the house. And, it took another 4 years to finally convince my parents to move out to a better place, where I could find some peace and hope for a better tomorrow. It was still a rented apartment. I again chose the almost identical room, however, this time it was my choice. And I was happy.

The decent mid-sized house, open from both sides, having the best cross ventilation and sunlight. My parents and I had separate rooms. But, this time I had a private bathroom to myself. The very first day after moving into the new house, I claimed my space and decided to freshen-up. I always loved the shower. Almost all my friends had the luxury to take a bath under a shower, which I could enjoy it only during the sleepovers. That day, as I walked into that space, and turned the shower on, the downpour was overwhelming. My eyes were equally pouring with joy as I submerged myself with reality. Yes, today I have my private shower. It may be a very common possession for many, but for me, it is like food for a very starving stomach. I was so happy that after taking the shower that day, I rushed and hugged my mother. Surprisingly, she had a neutral reaction. I realised that she would never understand; and to be honest, no one actually would. A month or two later came the monsoon and I got drenched in my balcony. Moving out from a dungeon to a place where I can enjoy all the seasons, it was blissful. I felt that I’m unshackled.

With all the fresh spell of happiness, I somehow forgot the fact that I am conditioned to live in that 10×10 space and it just took one dark cloud to fade my world. When I chose that corner in my childhood, it also created a similar space in my mind which trapped me forever. It made me realize that whatever you do, at times you can’t outgrow so many people. You are obligated to live in that confined space. You have to remain trapped in there, which will slowly keep strangling you till your last breath.

– Ankur Mondal

• 

•