Hey there, the lovely person reading this,

I really need to get something off my chest today. It’s a big deal for me, as I have my own biases, and I think a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community can relate. I’ve been doing some serious thinking about what it’s like to be stuck in the “shackled closet.”

People who know me well are aware of my traumatic past, and recently, I saw a gay dating app on my so-called heterosexual colleague’s phone, who is said to be happily married with a child. This is where the thought triggered me.

Imagine a closet, but not just for hiding stuff. It’s more like a freaking prison, bound by what society expects us to be. There’s this tiny crack in the door where a bright, beautiful rainbow light seeps through. I can see a peek of vibrant, colourful essence through the cracks in that confined closet. That’s the real us – just dying to shine freely. But the damn door is locked, weighed down by society’s rules and biases. It’s where a lot of us feel trapped, wanting to come out but scared we’ll never get the chance.

You may feel like you need to be there for certain reasons. Maybe you’re in there because you’re waiting for the perfect moment to be yourself. Perhaps you’re waiting for the “right time” to come out, or maybe you’re terrified of how your family, friends, or even your employers will react. Those fears are totally legit. Societal pressures have locked those doors tight, making it seem impossible to escape. On top of that, there’s this added pressure to fit into roles and relationships that don’t feel right.

Sometimes, you catch glimpses of hope and freedom through that crack, but the closet muffles your cries. It’s a lonely place, and it’s easy to feel like nobody sees or hears you. I see you peeking out sometimes, craving some light. But your calls for help go unheard beyond those doors. The fear of being discovered, the fear of being exposed – it’s paralysing. What if they find out? What if your true feelings are revealed? The weight of these fears is crushing, isn’t it?

Living like this really messes with your head. The pressure to fit in, the fear of rejection, and the pain of hiding who you really are – it’s a heavy load. It’s not just about wanting to come out; it’s about needing to for your own sanity.

The pressure of family expectations doesn’t just affect you; it tangles others in a web of bluffing. It’s not just your happiness at stake; it’s the other person’s too. This is where I judge you. None have a “gaydar” to recognise who the opposite partner really is. On one hand, they can’t see the misery they are tying the knot with; on the other, they can’t see your hidden pains. But we all feel it, don’t we? We carry it with us every single day.

The truth is, staying in the closet isn’t just about hiding from others; it’s about hiding from ourselves. And that’s a tragedy we can’t afford. We deserve to be happy. We deserve to be loved for who we are, not who others want us to be.

Living a secretive life doesn’t help anyone. True, loving relationships are built on authenticity. Without that, we’re just playing parts in someone else’s script. Our mental and emotional well-being is so important, and when we’re forced to hide our true selves, it takes a toll. Depression, anxiety, and a constant sense of unease become our companions. We smile and laugh on the outside, but inside, we’re falling apart.

But there’s hope. First, we must recognise how important our mental and emotional well-being is. We’ve got to make ourselves a priority and know that our feelings and identities are totally valid. It’s okay to reach out for help – talk to a therapist, find a support group, or connect with people who get what you’re going through. Professionals specialising in LGBTQ+ issues can be a real lifeline, giving you a safe space to work through your feelings and figure out your path.

The thought of stepping out of that closet is scary. But think about this: by staying hidden, you’re denying the world the chance to know the real you. Your true self is beautiful, vibrant, and deserving of love and acceptance. It’s also crucial for those around us to understand the impact of their expectations and biases. If you’re not part of the LGBTQ+ crew, just know that your support means everything. Be an ally, listen without judging, offer your support, and educate yourself on the issues we face. Your understanding and acceptance can help us break free from that shackled closet.

Coming out isn’t just a one-time thing; it’s a journey. It might start with talking to a trusted friend, then a family member, and as you gain more confidence, share with the world. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to be scared. But it’s not okay to stay silent and suffer.

A real family is built on truth, love, and understanding. By being honest with ourselves and those around us, we open the door to genuine connections and real happiness. Yes, there will be challenges. Some people might not accept us. But many will, and those are the people worth having in our lives.

To my fellow queer folks, know this: You Are Not Alone. There’s a whole community out here ready to embrace you with open arms. Your happiness, your mental health, and your well-being matter. Don’t spoil a life just to make someone else happy. It’s time to break free from those shackles and let your rainbow shine. You deserve to live as your true self, and together, we can make that possible for everyone. Together, we can break free from the confined closet. Together, we can thrive.

With love and solidarity,

Ankur Mondal
A Fellow Queer Soul